Monthly Archives: July 2010

what would i do (II) …

… if i knew i only had one more year to live? a few days ago, while lying in the garden, enjoying the sun & my durian-filled belly, this question has crossed my mind. of course i will go on living for many many years … but … well, you know. i am dreaming, making plans, i know i want to change & what i want to do … and though seem to stick to my present life.

everything in life should feel easy, effortless. otherwise something goes wrong. & for me, obviously something is going wrong!

do you know the story about the traveller, going by train, sitting there moaning more & more desperately at every station – because his train is heading for the wrong direction. not being able to get off & change … although knowing what to do.

yesterday, a friend showed a yoga book to me, describing three live cycles, the cycles of our development:

  • the cycle of life energy, lasting 18 years, checking our physical health & vitality;
  • the cycle of intelligence, 11 years: how does our intelligence affect our actions?
  • the cycle of awareness: how do we understand things, what are our priorities? this one has a length of 7 years.

there are phases of transition when all cycles appear within a few years. within these phases of transition, our awareness, values, intelligence, possibilities to act, energy level & relationships change to form a new world. these phases (crises … ) present a lot of challenges we need for our development & growth. they require special efforts, work, to live through them with integrity and balance.

i am in the middle of such a phase of transition, for two years now … which exactly meets my experiences within the last two years! it took me so much energy just to get along with my life, keep myself in balance. yes, i have seen some progress in my “inner world”, but was always worrying about not being able to move forward with our “outer concerns”. asking myself what the hell is wrong with me. what a relief to have found this explanation!

these new insights furthermore actually help me to get ahead with my inner chaos … i am just about to cut some more knots & it feels so good!

isn’t it great to find helpful input whenever we are in need for it!?!

what would i do …

… if i were brave

what would i do if i knew that i could not fail
if i believed that the wind always fill up my sail
how far would i go
what could i achieve
trusting the hero in me.

what step would i take today if i were brave?!?


the past week: community. sun. fresh air. on the road. insights. lots of inspiration. dirty feet. borrowed clothes. serendipity. again becoming aware of how life is meant to be: living in a community, living outdoor, living in a warm & sunny climate.

i am just back from wonderful (holi)days – camping at the baltic sea, with some friends, enjoying the sun, being outdoor all day, with lots of fun & exercise. & after that visiting friends in the black forest, rainy & cold, but filled with talks, fun, inspiration.

back home now, with clean feet 😉 , washing on the line, sitting at my macbook again, i am filled with gratitude, warmth, love, happiness! wonderful life!

saturday afternoon …

… talking to friends & acquaintances from school or university (today: an ex-fellow student i had not met for about 10 years) is as easy as if we’d have met yesterday … there are people who think a “hello-kitty-muffin mix” fit for vegans & rawfoodists … they also had apples, peaches, blueberries, melon, salad for us – thank you! … first time cycling in tandem. on the second seat. with a bike trailer for the kids. downhill. not seeing where we go & not being able to control our way or our speed. what a challenge!